A Man’s Guide To The Embarrassment Of Buying Lingerie

Let's face it, we men are obsessed with women's bodies and yet if I needed to tell someone the size of her breasts I could probably tell "perfect" and if she asked me that right now Given the size of her dress I would probably mutter that it didn't make her buttocks look big at all….

Let's face it, we men are obsessed with women's bodies and yet if I needed to tell someone the size of her breasts I could probably tell "perfect" and if she asked me that right now Given the size of her dress I would probably mutter that it didn't make her buttocks look big at all. This is in part due to my perpetual attempt to score brownie points and not spend the night in the kitchen with the dog, but in large part due to my ignorance. Ask her what my waist size is and she can tell you without a second's hesitation. Finding out this information is actually not that difficult and a list of instructions on how to find out would simply include:

 

1 - Open the cupboard door.

2 - Remove appropriate clothing.

3 – Check the label and note the size carefully.

 

Even my brain can handle it first thing in the morning, but despite telling myself I should do it, I never actually remember to do it. This may be partly because there's something sitting in the back of my mind that tells me that as soon as I take off her bra and start moving around inside her, her mother is going to show up without warning. Breaks down the front door and catches me. Sniffing, or worse, wearing your beloved daughter's bra. This isn't really a situation I want to find myself in but if I want to make him (my partner, not his mother) happy then I must do it. Actually, every man should do this. Go to your wife's or girlfriend's closet and find out her bra size. If necessary, write it on a piece of paper and hide it in your wallet.

 

Of course, even once I knew her bra size the actual selection wouldn't be easy. As a general rule, I've been led to believe that black latex nurse attire is neither considered lingerie nor really comfortable, so I'll try to stay away from it as far as possible, regardless. No matter how attractive they look. I will try my best to ensure that whatever I buy will not only make me happy but also make my partner feel sexy. This should mean that she will be able to walk comfortably and that the pieces will not fall out when she raises her arms or tries to sit, or more importantly, tries to lie down.

 

Going to any store that carries lingerie is a big deal the first time you try it on, but I'm a grown man and I should be able to deal with it. The deals right hand most likely won't think the stuff I purchase is for me except if I offer something embarrassingly moronic and wear counterfeit bosoms. In fact, there's a very good chance that she'll deal with people like me and people like you on a fairly regular basis. You know, the kind of guy who wears shorts and looks around and sweats a lot. In fact, come to think of it, maybe it would be best if I didn't do that, and went straight to him instead. She would probably be very helpful.

 

I saw a sign in a lingerie store I had passed three times in the past that said they would gift wrap the items. I decided right then and there that if I ever mustered up the courage to go into a store and actually buy any lingerie, I would definitely take advantage of that offer, rather than keep walking past her. I think the overall romanticism of this sentiment would probably be diminished when I'm faced with the gift wrapped in Christmas crackers and the proud smile of your son or daughter peeing on their own for the first time. Plus, I don't have to take it home that way other people can see what I bought.

 

I can't wait to finally see her wearing the new lingerie I bought. I guess the only thing left to do now is actually figure out her size and go and buy something appropriate that isn't a latex nurse outfit.